Selected by Public Library Association as a "Distinguished Work" for Adult New Readers
Breaking Free helps abused women realize they are not alone - and that they can get help.
Violence is a fact of life in too many teen relationships. Breaking Free from Partner Abuse helps abused women realize they are not alone - and that they can get help.
Marecek addresses many of the reasons women stay in violent situations. A basic premise of her arguments is that no reason is worth dying for. She writes, "If you've been beaten, you can't live with him. Any other information is irrelevant."
" . . . poetry throughout adds an emotional richness and gives voice to much of the despair and turmoil that accompanies abuse."
Guidepost
" The honesty in this book has touched my soul. The words are mine to claim, they belong to me, they belong to all women."
Former battered woman
Contents
Foreword
Introduction
“i whisper to the wind”
“despair”
“the encounter”
1 You Don’t Deserve Abuse
“hope”
“understanding”
2 You Have the Right
“dreams are lost”
3 To Leave or Not to Leave
“loss”
“quietly”
4 “I Can’t Leave Because . . .”
“fear”
“i can live with a whisper”
“if”
5 Getting a Perspective on Violence
“disbelief”
“I am going to leave you”
6 Lesbian Battering
7 Asking the Right Questions
“Rise Up Angry”
8 Taking Care of Yourself
“listen”
9 Women’s Shelter Movement
“peace”
“poem of celebration”
Bibliography
Index
More Info
One-third to one-half of all American women are, at some time, beaten by their husbands or lovers, according to surveys. Somewhere in the United States, it is estimated, a woman is beaten every 18 seconds.
Breaking Free from Partner Abuse continues to be the best book available for teens (and older women) caught in an abusive relationship. It's also an ideal book to offer teens not yet in an abusive situation - to help them understand that abuse is not right, it's not normal, and it definitely is not a sign of love!
The new edition of Breaking Free from Partner Abuse: Voices of Battered Women Caught in the Cycle of Domestic Violence has a lovely new cover, but is not greatly changed from the first edition (with 15,000 copies sold). The Foreword and the Bibliography have been updated, and two new poems by Marecek are included. The book retains the wonderful mix of poetry and prose with the underlying theme that no one deserves abuse. The guidelines for getting out of a bad relationship are still there, together with the understanding that getting out can be extremely difficult.
Young women raised in violent surroundings also need Breaking Free. Women abused in childhood have a greater potential for entering into abusive relationships as they mature.
Jami Moffett, a Seattle artist, provided the sensitive and beautiful illustrations which add greatly to the poignancy and reality of the book.
Marecek addresses many of the reasons women stay in violent situations. A basic premise of her arguments is that no reason is worth dying for. She writes, "If you've been beaten, you can't live with him. Any other information is irrelevant."
The use of poetry throughout adds an emotional richness and gives voice to much of the despair and turmoil that accompanies abuse. Along with excerpts from stories of women who have survived abuse or are currently living with it, the poetry speaks directly to women who need to know that they are not alone in a situation of violence.
This slim, highly readable book covers a person's rights, leaving an abusive partner, understanding physical violence, lesbian battering, asking the right questions, taking care of oneself, and women's shelters.
Marecek worked with hundreds of abused women as program director of Respond, a shelter and counseling agency for battered women and their children.
One of the new poems in the revised edition of Breaking Free:
it descends upon me like a cloud
hovers me
covers me
the cloud follows me everywhere
goes to bed with me
wakes up with me
eats with me
drives with me
shops with me
I wait for the cloud to disappear
Research is showing more and more what common sense has always told us—it’s best for children to grow up living with both mom and dad, both of whom love and care for them. Teenage fathers need to be part of their children’s lives, whether or not they can support them financially at this point. Sadly, however, there are fathers who are abusive. The father who beats his child’s mother is also doing his child a great deal of harm. How can we help young women in this situation? We need to listen and to care. We need to be aware of shelter and counseling resources.
In the classroom and/or as an independent reading assignment, Breaking Free from Partner Abuse by Mary Marecek can help abused women, whatever their age, realize they are not alone—and that they can get help. Marecek validates the fears and feelings of battered women and sets realistic guidelines for change. Although she knows how difficult it is to leave an abusive partner, she comes right to the point: “Get out!” Her poetry and prose give these women a voice, a thoughtful voice documenting the inner lives of battered women. It’s a simply written and valuable resource for teens. The following questions are taken from page 75 of Breaking Free, and can help an abused teenager look realistically at her situation and perhaps move toward a better life:
Questions to Ask Yourself
What do I gain by staying in a violent home?
What do my children gain by growing up in a violent home?
What do I have to lose by leaving?
What do the children have to lose by leaving?
What do I have to gain by leaving?
What do the children have to gain by leaving?
Who can I talk to about my problem?
What are my bottom line expectations for the future?
What am I willing to live without for the rest of my life?
What price am I paying for “peace”?
Is it too high?
How long have I been paying it?
Are my children paying a price?
Is it too high?
How will it affect them five years from now?
Without change, what will I be like five years from now?
What do I want?
How can I get it?
What am I willing to do to get it?
More poetry from Breaking Free:
I am going to leave you
By Mary Marecek
When was it I decided I would leave you?
When was it that I knew our love was lost?
When was it hope eluded dreams of us-ness?
When was it I awoke and knew the cost?
Ten years ago I decided I would leave you
Ten years ago I knew our love was lost
Ten years ago hope eluded dreams of us-ness
Ten years ago I awoke and knew the cost
One of these days I’m going to leave you.
Excerpt
One of the new poems in the revised edition of Breaking Free by Mary Marecek:
fear
it descends upon me like a cloud
hovers me
covers me
the cloud follows me everywhere
goes to bed with me
wakes up with me
eats with me
drives with me
shops with me
I wait for the cloud to disappear
Author
Mary Marecek
Mary Marecek, author of Breaking Free from Partner Abuse, was born and raised in New Hampshire. After teaching elementary school for ten years, she attended the George Warren Brown School of Social Work in St. Louis.
She worked with the Battered Women's Movement for many years including several years as Program Director of Respond. Respond is a shelter and counseling agency in Massachusetts for battered women and their children.
Mary now lives in Florida, and enjoys travel, jigsaw puzzles, tennis, Masterpiece Theatre, and Perry Mason. She spends time at her cabin in the woods of New Hampshire, and likes to hang out at Harvard Square cafes.
Reviews
Reviewed by Erika De Madrid, student, Cabrillo Lane Teen Parent Program, Cerritos, CA
I chose to write a review of Breaking Free from Partner Abuse and put it in this newsletter because somewhere in the United States a woman is beaten every 18 seconds. Hopefully by reading this book, you can help yourself or someone you know get out of abusive situations like the ones mentioned in Brea king Free. You don't deserve to be physically, mentally, emotionally, or verbally abused by anyone. You deserve to be respected and treated as a human being.
Women are more likely to be abused than men because men are usually stronger than women. Most of the time a man can stop a woman from abusing him, but it's harder for a woman to stop a man. Women who have been abused seem to have very little self-esteem and are constantly depressed. After a man has abused a woman they will make excuses and say things like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," or, "I don't know what I was thinking," or "You know I love you," and "I promise it will never happen again." By saying this the man will manipulate the woman, and she will feel sorry for him and forgive him.
Some women are so manipulated that they make up excuses for him and say things like, "It wasn't his fault, he was drunk," or "He promised he will change," or "He didn't mean it," or "I started it so I deserved it." The women do this because deep in their hearts they are hoping these men will change their abusive ways. In some cases the women will stay with the men because there are children involved, and they feel stuck with these men forever.
My advice to these women, speaking from experience, is, "You have to be strong not only for yourself, but for your children. Think about the risks you're taking by staying in this abusive relationship. You could lose your life, your children could be seriously hurt, and your children could grow up to be abusers or to be abused by their partners."
You and your children come first. By staying in this relationship, you are letting your children and yourself down. I know it is easier said than done and there is fear to leave, but it is time to realize the damage that has been done to you and your family. You could go to a relative's house. There are shelters you could go to, or wherever you feel safe. Wherever you go or whatever you do, don't go back. Be a fighter, not a quitter. You are worth it!
Teachers: When you're teaching about partner abuse, you might ask your students to read Erika's review/opinion piece, then comment. Whether or not they've read Breaking Free, the above could generate some helpful discussion.
Or you could ask students to do a written critique of Erika's comments. Another good resource on this important issue is Marilyn Reynolds' newest novel, Baby Help, the story of Melissa who didn't think she was abused because Rudy only hit her once in awhile when he was drinking. In the story, Melissa finally realizes she and Baby Cheyenne must leave Rudy and make a life without him.
Also, contact Morning Glory Press for a FREE booklet with excerpts from Baby Help and from Breaking Free from Partner Abuse by Mary Marecek. It can be used as a stand-alone mini-unit. For a free copy, contact Morning Glory Press, 714/828-1998 or 1-888-612-8254.
More Reviews
One-third to one-half of all American women are, at some time, beaten by their husbands or lovers, according to surveys. Somewhere in the United States, it is estimated, a woman is beaten every 18 seconds. Breaking Free from Partner Abuse continues to be the best book available for teens (and older women) caught in an abusive relationship. It's also an ideal book to offer teens not yet in an abusive situation — to help them understand that abuse is not right, it's not normal, and it definitely is not a sign of love!
The new edition of Breaking Free from Partner Abuse: Voices of Battered Women Caught in the Cycle of Domestic Violence has a lovely new cover, but is not greatly changed from the first edition (with 15,000 copies sold). The Foreword and the Bibliography have been updated, and two new poems by Marecek are included. The book retains the wonderful mix of poetry and prose with the underlying theme that no one deserves abuse. The guidelines for getting out of a bad relationship are still there, together with the understanding that getting out can be extremely difficult.
Young women raised in violent surroundings also need Breaking Free. Women abused in childhood have a greater potential for entering into abusive relationships as they mature. Jami Moffett, a Seattle artist, provided the sensitive and beautiful illustrations which add greatly to the poignancy and reality of the book.
Marecek addresses many of the reasons women stay in violent situations. A basic premise of her arguments is that no reason is worth dying for. She writes, "If you've been beaten, you can't live with him. Any other information is irrelevant."
The use of poetry throughout adds an emotional richness and gives voice to much of the despair and turmoil that accompanies abuse. Along with excerpts from stories of women who have survived abuse or are currently living with it, the poetry speaks directly to women who need to know that they are not alone in a situation of violence.
This slim, highly readable book covers a person's rights, leaving an abusive partner, understanding physical violence, lesbian battering, asking the right questions, taking care of oneself, and women's shelters. Marecek worked with hundreds of abused women as program director of Respond, a shelter and counseling agency for battered women and their children.
Teaching Help
They'll read if it matters
I have a small class called Individual and Family Life for School-age Parents. We read Breaking Free from Partner Abuse aloud, and the girls read the poetry. Then each picks a topic out of the book and creates a poster illustrating that concept. For example, one student is illustrating quotes that put down women such as "Keep them barefoot and pregnant," and "The man is king of his castle." Another young mom is using the ideas in the chapter, "You Don't Deserve Abuse." One is illustrating the idea, "I Can't Leave Because," and the reasons women use to stay in abusive situations. Anther current poster topic is "Don't Put All Your Eggs in One Basket" (having a support system). Another girl is doing the "Empty Pitcher" quote on page 38. ("If you are trying to meet the needs of others without first meeting your own needs, it's like trying to water plants with an empty pitcher.")
After they've prepared the posters, they go into the classroom and use them as teaching lessons for all students. I also have the Family Place (women's shelter) counselor come to speak. It's a short unit I try to do every year, a unit that's truly needed.
Reader Comments
To: Morning Glory Press
I am interested in receiving a free copy of the booklet, "Language Arts Mini Unit," designed to help teens understand that violence in a relationship is not acceptable. During Domestic Violence Awareness Week this fall, our teen parents worked on communicating facts and statistics about domestic violence to the staff and students here at Memorial High School. Many teachers were very supportive of our efforts and asked for information to include in their instruction. One of the English teachers, a victim of domestic violence herself, is interested in doing more in her classes. Your mini unit may be of value to her. I know it will be to me as I work with my students on this issue. I use your books in my program and have been very satisfied with their quality and compassion. My students are eager to use them to help them become better parents and improve their lives. The fiction is especially powerful in letting them know that they are not alone in fighting their issues, and that they share their problems and situations with others.
Reading "Ode to Teen Parent Teachers" (PPT Express, Winter, 1997-1998) reminded me of how much I care. I am very committed to my students and feel that my work is important. I know that I have a powerful role to play in their lives. Thank you so much for helping me make them successful. Lyn Schon, School Age Parent Coor., Memorial High School, Eau Claire, WI.
The booklet Ms. Schon requested contains excerpts from Baby Help, a novel by Marilyn Reynolds, and from Breaking Free from Partner Abuse by Mary Marecek. It can be used as a stand-alone mini-unit. For a free copy, contact Morning Glory Press, 714/828-1998.
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